I gave myself up to death on Nov. 18, 2008 while lying alone in a hospital isolation room at the Desert Regional Medical Center in Palm Springs.  I fell deathly ill with a rare disorder  and doctors told my husband, Tom,  "to get our affairs in order because I probably wasn't going to make it." 

     I wrote my Last Will and Testament and a priest gave me my last rites.  I didn't want to put Tom through any more suffering, I didn't want my battered body, and I was not afraid to die.  I gave myself up to God and death  and truly felt ready to go.  The moment I gave it up completely, I saw a thin, black line at the edge of my hospital bed emerge from my feet to the ceiling.  I never saw it before but now I did and it started to widen. 

     As it grew, it first looked like black, mesh-like butterfly wings.  As the wings grew, they started moving slowing, unfurling, unfolding from the initial thin line until the wings were fully stretched out.  I knew it was the Angel of Death and I was ready to go.  The Angel or Butterfly flapped its widened wings, took off , flew above me, circling slowly.  I kept waiting for it to take me away.  It circled the ceiling a few times then suddenly flew through the wall of the hospital and disappeared.   I felt the wind from its flapping wings blow across my face and through my hair. 

     When the Angel left without me, I realized I was going to survive.  It wasn't my time yet -- I still had work to finish.  I couldn't waste any more precious time procrastinating by writing Journalism and working for other people's dreams.   I had to work on my dreams by gathering all my creating writings, rewriting, editing and organizing it all into one collective place.

     I left my job as Editor-in-Chief at the newspapers I help build, moved back to San Diego and am working on my stuff.  It feels good and I know I must not waste one  precious day.  I have been given the opportunity to  fulfill the dream I started at 16.

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